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Humor: A Smile a Day

by Clarity Magazine
Spring 2013 No Comment

There is no better panacea for sorrow, no better reviving tonic, and no greater beauty than a genuine smile. —Paramhansa Yogananda

Four Creative Ways to Get Hired

  • Applicant put up posters of himself in the company parking lot.
  • Applicant announced his candidacy with a singing telegram.
  • Applicant rented a billboard, which the hiring manager could see from his office, listing his qualifications.
  • Applicant delivered prepaid Chinese food, including a fortune cookie with his name and phone number.

  Unemployed Biologist

An unemployed biologist was looking for a job and finally got interviewed at the local zoo. He was told that their only gorilla, their star attraction, had died recently and that they needed someone to dress up in a gorilla suit and pretend to be a gorilla until they could replace it. The biologist, though embarrassed, was desperate for money and accepted the job.

Although reluctant at first, he put on the gorilla suit and really got into the act. He jumped up and down, and roared and beat his chest. The people cheered.

The following day, the biologist entered the lion’s cage by mistake. The lion roared and rushed toward him. Terrified, the biologist turned and ran screaming for help. The lion leaped onto the gorilla, knocked him to the ground, and whispered in his ear, “Hey, it’s me, Leonard, your former co-worker. Don’t blow it or we’ll both lose our jobs!”

A Delicious Mistake

Needing to escape her hectic office, my friend fled to the mall and bought a candy bar. She sat down on a bench next to a businessman. Soon, she heard the sound of a crumpling wrapper and realized that the man was eating her candy bar. When he started to eat an ice cream cone, she leaned over and took a huge lick.

“There!” she declared. She then stormed off to her car, reached into her purse for her keys, and pulled out the candy bar she thought he’d eaten.

Two Elderly Married Couples

Two elderly married couples were walking down the street. One man told the other couple that he and his wife had been to a restaurant the night before which served great food at a reasonable price.

“And the name of the restaurant?” his friend asked.

“Well,” the first man said. “I’ll need some help on this. Let’s see, there’s a flower that smells great and has thorns on the stem?”

“That would be a rose,” his friend replied.

“That’s it!” the man said. Then he shouted to his wife, who was hard of hearing, “Hey, Rose! Do you remember the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”

The Attorney

Just after midnight, an attorney telephoned the governor of his state insisting that it was a matter of the utmost importance.

Eventually, the governor agreed to take his call.

“So, what is it?” grumbled the governor.

“Judge Smith has just died” said the attorney, “and I want to take his place.”

“Well,” replied the governor, “it’s OK with me if its OK with the undertaker.”

Murphy’s Law of Computing

For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s
probably obsolete.

Evicted

The young man walked into a pet shop and asked if he could buy 75 beetles, 12 rats and five mice.

“I’m sorry sir,” the owner said, “but we only sell mice. What do you need the other creatures for?” Is it some kind scientific experiment?”

“No,” The young man replied, “I was thrown out of my apartment this morning, and the landlord said I must leave the place exactly as I found it.”

Your Move

I was playing chess with my friend, and he said, “Let’s make this more interesting.”

So we stopped playing chess.

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